I recently celebrated one of my best birthdays ever! I know this isn’t something women my age usually say, but I am completely serious. The day was special for a whole host of reasons, but I think I will always remember this one because of a badly dented birthday cake.If you knew me well, you would know that I don’t kid about cake… especially chocolate cake with cannoli filling and whipped cream icing. My absolute favorite kind of cake in the whole wide world. I hadn’t had one in years because our boys would only eat yellow cake. This year was different. They finally discovered the wonderful goodness that is chocolate cake, and agreed that it should be one of my special birthday surprises.
My husband and sons went on a covert mission the bakery. They placed the order and paid for it. My mother would make the pick up the next day. She was coming to stay with the boys while my husband took me out to dinner. We would have cake and coffee later in the evening.
The plan went seamlessly. The Eagle had landed. My mother gave the thumbs up to my husband as we pulled out of our driveway. There were smiles all around. It makes me sad to think back and realize that while I was enjoying grown up conversation over fluffy popovers, I had a child at home greatly worried that he had just ruined my birthday.
Here’s what happened. Legend has it (oh, yes, it’s already a family legend!) that as our car disappeared from sight, Grandma asked Boy One if he would go and get the cake before it melted. Eager to help, he ran out the door, straight to the car, picked up the box, then proceeded to tuck it under his arm like a football while he closed the car door. Seeing this, my mother frantically called out to him to hold it straight. He snapped to attention and immediately adjusted the box. Unfortunately, they had different interpretations of “straight”.
My mother sensed the anxiety building within the cake destroyer (and his brother, who was almost as distressed as his sibling) as they assessed the damage. She quickly swooped in to save the day by doing what grandmothers do best. Spoiling them.
In stark contrast to what was happening at home, my husband and I were enjoying a leisurely steak and seafood dinner. We took our time, and lingered over each course. Eventually, we returned home.
When I saw my mother standing outside waiting for us, I was sure something terrible had happened. My husband got to her first, and they quickly huddled together while I ran inside looking for blood and listening for sirens. The children were a bit out of sorts, but seemed okay, I took a deep sigh of relief and assumed that the huddle must not have been as serious as it seemed.
When my husband came inside and related the story to me, I didn’t quite understand the fuss. I imagined some smeared icing, maybe a smashed frosting rose. I told my husband that it was fine, not to worry. At least I had figured out why my boys looked troubled, but they had moved outside to play some basketball while we waited for my sister and niece to arrive.
The evening progressed and finally it was time for cake. My children, who should have been excited to see their surprise come to fruition, looked as though they were being led to the gallows. Now that I was in on the secret, I was actually looking forward to the unveiling.
Finally, the moment arrived! I took one look, and I laughed. I laughed, and laughed some more. It was fabulous!
I turned to my sons and I thanked them for my amazing wrecked cake. I saw relief wash over their faces as I assured them that I had never loved a cake more. It was truly a thing to behold, and every bit as delicious as if it had been smooth and round.
There were so many lessons to be learned from one silly, smashed cake. Don’t judge a cake by its icing. A thoughtful gift is more precious than a beautiful one. Adolescent children can make mountains of molehills, be prepared to talk them down. (to name a few)
The most important for me was the reminder that mistakes happen, and how we respond to them makes a world of difference. Kids like mine, with Asperger Syndrome, can be very hard on themselves. I look for every opportunity to point out when people we respect make mistakes in an attempt to help them keep perspective. We use a wonderful Latin program with a teacher who can laugh off his mistakes and calmly use self-deprecating humor to smooth any bumps in his presentation. He could edit them out, but he doesn’t. I wonder if he knows what a valuable role model he is for young people. I try to do the same.
Humility is a wonderful trait. It is important to remember my own smallness, and the danger of too much pride. Of course, I want my children to do the best they can, in whatever they do, but not at the cost of losing perspective about what is truly important.
I spent my birthday with people I love. My husband and children care about me so much they wanted to do something special, and unexpected. And all flowery sentiments aside, I would have eaten that cake if an elephant had stepped on the box.
