This can be such a wonderful time of the year. It is a time for gratitude, joy, family, and friends. Thanksgiving has passed, and now we are in the Advent and the Christmas season. There are decorations, lights, parties, and merriment all around.
I truly love this season, but I have also had my fair share of full-on Bah Humbug Decembers. I have learned a few tricks for surviving those Unhappy Holidays in the process, and I hope that by sharing my experience, I might be able to help somebody else.
Let me start by saying that if you are truly depressed, please, seek medical help. I’m not talking about fixing clinical depression. What I am talking about is “the blues.” For example, one year I was in the cold Mid West all alone and couldn’t get home. I wasn’t up on a ledge, but I did feel sorry for myself!
Before I had children, I worked as an RN. I would always volunteer to work Christmas Eve so that my co-workers could be with their little ones for these important days, but I will admit that it was difficult to pull myself away from my family’s big Christmas Eve celebrations, and I was always completely out of gas by the next morning and would sleep most of Christmas Day away.
Have you ever had a break up at this time of year? That’s never easy either. Those cute romantic couples commercials can really begin to get on one’s nerves. Then there are the years where we were hit by unexpected bills and home repairs throughout November and December and there just wasn’t much money left over.
For me, the hardest of all were the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays the year my father died.
The first thing I do if I start to feel any holiday sadness is give myself a mental pep talk. After all, no matter what I am going though, there is always still so much to be thankful for! I wish I never had to remind myself that the TRUE joy of Christmas has nothing to do with the traditions or the people I might be missing.
Sometimes I would have to give myself this talk more than once. I am human after all, and it isn’t always easy to reconcile what my brain knows and what my heart feels.
This is when I would have to take the focus off of myself and to look around. One basic truth I have always found is that there is always somebody who is in a worse place than I am. I am a fixer, so once I set my mind to it I can easily channel my energy into helping somebody truly in need. The benefit is twofold. I brighten somebody else’s life and I can put my own gratitude into perspective.
The other big thing for me is to avoid emotional triggers. If I know that watching a movie or hearing a song is going to leave me in a puddle of tears, I have to save that movie or song for a time when the tears will be cleansing, not heart wrenching. Instead of trying to recreate a family tradition that would have fallen flat in the wrong setting, I give myself permission to make new traditions.
Lastly, I have had to learn which times were right for sharing other people’s holidays and which times I should have declined invitations. Well meaning friends never want to see us alone on a holiday. However, there were times when my mood and circumstances were much better suited to helping out a charitable cause than trying to fake a festive feeling in a room full of happy people. The times I have tried to do the faking left me feeling worse than if I had stayed at home under the covers all day!
Most of all, I make sure that I celebrate Advent. The weeks leading up to the celebration are a perfect time to put my focus in the right place. This season isn’t really about gifts, parties, decorations, or dinners. Even if there is no tree, tinsel, lights, stockings, or gifts – nothing can take away the birth of Jesus and what that meant to the world.
If you find yourself in a funky blue place this year, I hope you can talk about how you feel with people who care about you. Together you might find the perfect plan to help you through the Yuletide and into the New Year.
