Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Gratitude Challenge ~ Day 30

Gratitude Challenge

Wow!  It's the last day of this meme already!  Thank you to Brenda, at Garden of Learning, for hosting this challenge.  I never thought I would have blogged for 30 days in a row - but this was rewarding, and I've "met" some very dear bloggers through the experience.   Again, thank you Brenda, and thanks to all of you who have made it such a great experience.

Today I am going to go back to where I started.  Day one was my communication blackout day, so I kept it very brief.  I shared that I am grateful for my sons.   That was more about motherhood, I think, than about them as people.

I wanted to be a mother so badly- and as they say, "Be careful what you pray for!"  Not only did I finally become pregnant, it was twins, a high risk pregnancy,  an emergency c-section (two months early), a stay in the NICU, and then all of the myriad of things we've been through since they were born.  It hardly seems possible that I should have two strong and healthy boys today, but I do.  They are amazing, and beautiful.  Yes, they have Asperger Syndrome, and yes, every day brings new challenges, but I see them as two of the most amazing people I have ever known.

Most of you are mothers so you know..  There's this perception of motherhood that I had before children, and then there is the real version.  The one that hit me the second I knew they were really inside of me, growing.  The fierce protective love that is so unconditional that it surprises me.   That is the first part of the gratitude.  The amazing gift of that feeling.  The wonderment when I feel love in such a capacity that I didn't even know was possible.   I love how it has changed me and  how it has made me appreciate my own parents more.

Then there are the boys themselves.  They are 99.3 % genetically  identical, and enjoy many of the same interests but they are also unique and individual.

Boy One is quiet and somewhat cool .   He keeps his worries and anxieties inside and only shares them with me in quiet moments.  He has a sweet and sensitive side to him that is so endearing.   He is also very funny -always making jokes and writing funny things.  He loves to listen to music and dreams of becoming a rock star one day.

Boy Two is more apt to blurt things out.   If he's upset about something, he starts unraveling and needs some help putting himself back together.  He is also hysterically funny but in a different way than his brother.  He does impressions and has these puppets that he makes up stories with.  He is also far less self conscious than his brother.  He will help me with housework and cooking and will happily let me hug or kiss him in public.

Together, they are quite a team.  When all is well with them it is a beautiful thing.  I think it's amazing that they have a best friend who understands all of their issues strengths and weaknesses in a way the rest of us never will.

Some days I feel so woefully inadequate as their mother, but I always feel blessed.  This picture makes me laugh.  It's a couple of years old, but it kind of captures how funny they are.

3D Supermen