A Third Cord

April 20, 2013 by Catherine Schembri

Have you ever known a person who simply could not tolerate seeing other people happy?  I have known a few.  They are the ones who like to make small digs about couples who are happy and cannot wait to share tidbits of bad news when marriages are in trouble.  What I didn’t know was that little children do very similar things!

It shouldn’t surprise me anymore.  It began happening when the boys were just small.  They would be having fun with friends or classmates at a playground or a birthday party and they would all be having a blast.  Then I would see one boy, off by himself wearing a sad face.

I would quickly go over to see what was the matter.  Inevitably, one of their playmates had set forth a plan to steal away with just one of my sons and exclude the other.  It was not consistently one boy – in fact, most of their peers still could not tell them apart – it seemed that the goal was simply to divide them.

Of course I want my kids to recognize their individuality. I encourage them to do things independently.  I even celebrate their differences.  When one does not care for something that the other boy likes it makes me happy!

That said, the pursuit of rugged individualism stops right where a brother’s feelings begin. Things can get rough for my guys, especially with regard to social skills.  They have had to navigate more than their share of obstacles already – and I am sure there are many more to come.

I cannot count the times I thanked God because he gave me twins. My wish is that they will stay close and always have a lifeline during difficult times.  It never occurred to me that anyone would ever want to break the special bond that they share until I was a witness to it – over and over again.

Because my guys had difficulty reading emotions and understanding people’s intent they didn’t recognize the pattern right away. Thankfully, their discernment is improving with age, but as younger boys they would happily follow any pal who proclaimed himself a friend.  I knew I had to help them out with this.

So, how does one teach loyalty to a five year old with Asperger Syndrome?  Not easily.

I began with the Aesop Fable – The Old Man and the Bundle of Sticks.

Then we did our own stick bundling experiments to reinforce the moral of the story.  I made some snacks with pretzel sticks tied with shoestring licorice, too.
We began talking about friends.  Good friends include everyone in the fun.  I explained that they might not always share the same friends and enjoy the same people, but I Implored them to remember that a true friend cares about us.  A real friend would never exclude or hurt anyone that we loved.  Friendships should be an enhancement to our lives.

I also thought of this verse:

And if a man prevail against one, two shall withstand him: a threefold cord is not easily broken.
Ecclesiastes 4:12

Friends should be like a third cord – a person who makes them stronger and better.

We have revisited this idea many times over the past eight years.  They are figuring out that people come and go in our lives.  Even the ones who are very close to us can change and move on without us – but family is forever.

Just this afternoon I overheard them discussing what they hope to do when they are older.  It was decided that when they get their first apartment it would be so great if they could be roommates.  I think that maybe these little teachable moments are paying off.