One of my favorite things about homeschooling is the amount of time that we spend together. My boys are smart and funny and they are really cool and interesting. I genuinely like the time that I spend with them.
Because they have a lot of the same interests, most of their free time is spent together sharing good books, music, or making up their own fun. I love the sound of their laughter and the games that they play. Having a front row seat to their special identical twin relationship is a gift.
These midwinter months are often the most trying. The short sunlight hours, the cold weather, the post holiday let down, and getting back to school after two weeks off all combine and begin to take their toll. Even people who are crazy about each other get a little stir crazy with cabin fever and start to take it out on each other.
First comes a sprinkle of bad attitude, and perhaps an unkind word will follow. This may escalate into selfish behavior, and can even culminate into a fight.
Now, to be clear, I know that I have boys, and I don’t mind a little bit of old school rough and tumble (in fact, I encourage it!) but I can tell when they have crossed over a line and it is time for me to intervene or redirect.
Unfortunately, with a pair of 12 year old boys, a lecture on the importance of family relationships sounds like “blah, blah, blah.” (The same way it did to me when I was 12!) This is why I prefer showing and highlighting the special bond between the two of them with actions rather than words. For example, we end each day by saying something special to each other. I am a master at preserving memories, and I make sure to celebrate the little things. Even so, there are days that I have to kick it up a notch.
Recently we had one of these days. Absolutely nothing was going right. The constant bickering and arguing was wearing on my nerves. It started at breakfast and by mid afternoon, I was ready to stick my head in toilet and flush. I sat the boys down and the couch and we had a chat.
I know that every mom has her own “big thing” that she wants children to do or achieve. Maybe it’s good grades, tidiness or healthy eating habits. Mine is that they never take each other for granted or forget how precious and fragile their relationship is. On this day, I made them think about how important they were to each other.
I didn’t yell at them, and I didn’t punish them. I told them how much I loved them, and then I gave them an assignment. I told them that we were going to pretend that in the morning, Boy Two was leaving for a special mission trip to a third world nation. He would be gone for two years, and would have no telephone, no Internet, and no real address to send written communication. I sent each of them to separate areas of the house where they were to write letters to one another. According to the assignment, these would be their last words for two years so they had to make sure they put a lot of thought and care into what they wrote.
Their letters were fantastic, and the rest of the day was wonderful. They turned their behavior and their attitudes around so quickly that it was hard to believe they were the same children.
I know it won’t be peace and perfection for the rest of our lives, but it was very helpful to take some quiet time and think about the depth and complexity of the relationships that we have with each other, and what our lives would be like without the people who sometimes drive us crazy.
