It happens every year. As soon as the Christmas season arrives, my sons begin to unravel. It took me a while to realize what was happening. When they talk about Christmas it is with words of excitement and anticipation. However, (as it took me several years to figure out) it is very important to consider the body language and behavior of my children – even more than their words.
What they never did was write down lists of things they wanted, or discount the days before December 25th as time to be scratched off and hurried through. Also, because our family gathers on Christmas Eve it can get quite festive and loud. Christmas Day was much more low key, and for several years their father and I would open most of the packages for them.
Kindergarten changed everything. While they were away from me at school, Christmas was the hot topic of conversation every day! They also got a lot more of the 4-1-1 on Santa. Some of it was sweet, and some of it was a little bit anxiety producing.
Ya better watch out, ya better not cry!
While you are asleep on Christmas Eve, he sneaks into your house.
He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake!
Naughty children get coal for Christmas!
To children who think in very absolute terms, this was not only strange – it was disturbing. My kids were not at all happy about some of this new information.
They were also making presents for me. SECRET presents.
Secrets and my boys do not go well together. As soon as my guys know a secret, it rattles around inside of their head until they cannot stand it another second. Usually this leads to them blurting the whole thing out. Once it is out, they feel relief, and then they feel guilt. It is not a very pretty combination. It also fuels the anxiety lurking around inside of them.
Christmas was also messing up their routines. They were putting on a show for the parents, so there were practices. There were classroom guests, parties, and all sorts of unusual occurrences.
This same kindergarten year, I was grieving the sudden death of my father just a few months before. I was thinking the behavior changes were related to our loss. Foolishly, I was trying to help them with grief, when what they truly needed was some stress reduction.
Finally Boy Two, acting as spokeschild, came forward with a request. He and his brother needed to go see Santa. I thought it was cute, so I packed them up for a trip to the mall thinking they were going to ask for a new action figure.
Once we got there, the boys had a short huddle, and then went up and told Chris Kringle their piece. They told him that they did NOT want anyone coming inside their house while they slept – but they DID want presents. So what should they do?
I realized several important things that day.
• I was no longer the ultimate source of information in my children’s lives.
• I was going to have to become much better about reading their emotions.
• Even little people experience anxiety.
• I was going to need a plan to navigate future Christmases.
I would like to say that I aced it the following year, but it took me a few tries. Even now, seven years later, the boys still get some Yuletide angst.
I have found it helpful to add more Nativity scenes to the decor, and to emphasize Advent. In addition to our Advent prayers, we have a large poster board “Advent Tree” taped to the wall. Each day we write down one of the gifts we have to be grateful for and tape it on our tree. Faith, family, health, pets, friends, etc.
Another way that we keep the focus on loving and giving is to shop for toys and clothes for kids who are less fortunate. I make the boys an active part of selecting and gifting.
Oh! And of course, bringing them home and becoming a homeschooling family has helped to eliminate the frenetic pace and tone of the season.
I wish you all a very merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year!
