As I write this it is the coldest week of winter so far. The temperature is below zero, wind is gusting against our windows, there are snowbanks taller than I am, and it doesn’t promise to let up soon. But that is what is happening on the outside.
On the inside, my whole family is at home. The boys are laughing together, and my husband has done the lion’s share of everything allowing me to rest and recuperate from a rough couple of days. We will probably watch a movie together after dinner. I’d say that has been a pretty good day!
When things are so obviously severe, it can be hard not to focus on the negative, but even in the midst of our most difficult times, it is really important to find the blessings and the comforts. This week, almost every casual conversation I had included a countdown to Spring. Of course it did, because we all need the promise of warmer days to help get us through these last brutal weeks of winter. But this made me think of how often we do this about life in general.
When I was younger I wanted to be a teenager, then I wanted to drive, then I wanted to be eighteen, to graduate High School, live on my own, get a good job, and so on. I was always very focused on what was next. While goals are important, I am pretty sure that I would have been a happier person if I could have been more content with each day that was given to me. Finally, when I was about twenty, I learned the hard way that every day is a gift, and a chance for a new beginning.
Sometimes, that can be hard to remember. Walking out into arctic blasts of air, mountains of snow and sheets of ice does not exactly envelop my mind with thoughts of peace and serenity – but walking into my cozy house does. Watching my sons grow and learn certainly does. Kissing my husband and children goodnight always does. How could I possibly want this time to hurry up and pass? It seems like just yesterday my young men looked like this!
Since my boys were born, I have really heard the litany of “Just wait until they. . .” scenarios. It began with “Just wait until they sleep through the night.” Then was “Just wait until they are potty trained.” and “Just wait until they go off to school.” I smile, and nod, but if I have learned anything in my short tenure as a mother, it is not to wish any of these days away. There are stretches of long and difficult days, but the years fly by too quickly for my taste. It is also foolish to believe that any age or stage will be without its difficulties.
It did take forever for them to sleep through the night. Yes, it was rough, but what I think back upon is being able to swaddle and snuggle two little bundles. I was sleep deprived, but I spent so much time holding them and rocking them. There were also tiny little baby clothes and caps and booties that they outgrew so quickly, and long walks pushing them in their stroller. They finally slept all night about the same time that they learned to walk. This meant serious childproofing and a whole new brand of tired!
For the next few years, my house was a giant play pen. It was not exactly House Beautiful, but these were wonderful days when I was able to enjoy two little boys who never got tired of lining things up, watching fans spin, or being with each other. It was also the time we started to notice the signs of Asperger syndrome – speech delays, sensory issues, hand flapping, etc. so we had to do occupational therapy, speech therapy, and physical therapy. The new “Just wait until. . .” was about talking.
Well, they learned to talk, if echolaia counts. It was also a window into how overwhelming the world was to them. Although it was sad, it was a time of absolute sweetness. They had no idea how to be self conscious and when they loved things they didn’t go halfway. When a kid with Asperger Syndrome gets an obsession, buckle up. Summertime was the best. We spent all day outside and they were quite serious about their play. I loved being a stay at home mother and being there to see it all.
This was when people would tell me “Just wait until they go to Pre-K, and you can get a little break every day.” Pre-K was no break. I would pick them up after two and half hours and it was like they had been away at battle. The intensive therapies were helpful, but the payoff wasn’t worth it. I really wish I had known then what I know now and I would have kept them home, but it wasn’t meant to be that way. Even so, it wasn’t a time without blessings. I was able to see them greet each other at the end of their sessions with huge hugs. They brought home special gifts they had made in class, and while they didn’t like the other children very much, they loved the teachers, and I still consider them friends today.
Since they are fourteen now, I won’t bore you with every age and stage in between, but I will end with this take-away. Every stage of life has its trials and its beauty. We have to pick where we place our focus. I think the default position is to complain. It is definitely easier, but when we do, we miss the joy. Please don’t miss the joy. There are going to be times when our hearts are breaking, and we need other people’s joy to get us through, and there will be times when the people we love need a little bit of ours – so make sure you grab up as much as you can, no matter what the circumstances. We cannot waste any time waiting for what we think will make us happy when today is our only guarantee. Live each day to its fullest. If it is a time for tears, shed them and accept the love of other people. If it is a season of happiness, grab up enough so that you have plenty to share.
