It is that time of year again. The bombardment of romantic images are everywhere. The card shops have aisles upon aisles of red and pink envelopes filling the shelves. Men will be seen carrying beautiful bouquets and large heart shaped boxes of chocolates to their sweethearts. Jewelry stores will try to convince young men to finally buy that ring, and all of the good restaurants will be booked solid a week in advance of February 14th.
Romance is a wonderful thing, but I prefer spontaneity to a rallying cry from Hallmark, and I’d much rather get a new Lego set than a box of chocolate. But, then again, t I have never fit the societal norms, so this isn’t really surprising. What I have known from an early age is that a large portion of our society has the wrong impression of what love is. One of the first articles I ever wrote was for my High School newspaper. The topic was how badly we abuse the word “love”. I’m just as guilty as the next person. We say we love food, cars, celebrities we have never met, but when we do this, we do damage to the word, and to the virtue.
Love cannot be bought at a card store or wrapped in a beautiful package. Love is work, and it is sacrifice.
Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. ~ John 15:13
When Saint Paul talks about love in his letter to the Corinthians, he is spot on.
1 Corinthians 13: 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.The poetic pining of my youth was so far away from the reality of love. There were very clear examples of love right in front of me, but I didn’t have the maturity to recognize them. Now I look back as an adult, and it is so much clearer!
My father working extra hours meant my sister could have the amazing oboe and the lessons that would help her get a college scholarship.
My mother ferrying four children to different destinations, and still making sure everyone had clean clothes and full stomachs. (as the one doing the driving now, I appreciate this all the more!)
My grandmother, who would start preparing for Christmas Eve months in advance! Her budgeting of limited time and energy allowed her family to all be around her for one special night.
My father’s parents, who left their homes and families to come to America in order to keep him safe and to give them all the chance to live The American Dream.
I could make a list that would be pages long, but you get the idea. True love means thinking of others first without an expectation of anything in return. It does not mean to be a doormat, it means to be the doorway. The people I love should always find better things through me. While it is a life of humility, it is never humiliation. I will be called to deny myself comfort but it doesn’t leave me downcast; instead it brings me joy.
The thing about real love is that with it, sacrifice comes naturally . When one of my boys is sick or hurting, I don’t weigh the options; I give him everything he needs, and give it freely and easily. When a family member or friend is sick or in trouble, my first thought is, What can I do?
Now I can see love clearly. My husband heading out to work on cold mornings, and all the long days he puts in so that we have everything we need – that is love. The ceiling fans my father installed when my boys were non-verbal babies (but loved things that went in circles!) – that was love. When I am in the ER with a sick boy and my mother shows up within minutes – yep, love.
When my father died, before we even got home from the hospital, my mother’s house was filled with friends and family from far and wide. We are kept warm by handmade quilts and have boxes with sweet notes. Love is everywhere, but it doesn't always show up in a heart shaped box or with a red bow.
That is not to say there is anything wrong with this:
Romance is important to marriages and courtships – it just doesn’t have staying power. The candy box empties, the flowers die.
Real love looks like this:
We are called every day to lay down our lives. For most of us it will not be in such a dramatic fashion, but it will be many small crosses. Loads of laundry, sinks filled with dishes, floors to clean, tears to dry, donations to be made, service opportunities, and so on.
In case that sounds unattractive, let me tell you finish by adding this: when I love freely and without any motive, the joy and love inside of me grows. It is an amazing phenomenon that refreshes and replenishes me, allowing me to face whatever a new day might bring.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. ~ 1 Corinthians 13:13
