A few weeks after our sweet calico cat died, we realized that as we were mourning, so was the cat who was left behind. We began to look for a new companion for her, since she was so obviously lonely and sad.
At the same time we began inquiring with the rescue centers, they found a cat that they wanted to place right away. He was obviously a pet at one point. He was neutered and declawed, but he must have been abandoned. His thick, calloused paw pads were cracked and dry, his head covered in scars, he had some broken teeth, and the poor thing was so skinny I could count his bones. It was apparent that he had been on his own for a long time. Of course we wanted to take him – we couldn’t stand the thought that he had been so carelessly discarded – especially since he had been declawed!
He was very happy to join our family. He stepped out of the carrier, and came right into my arms. He purred and rubbed against me, and was thrilled with full bowls of food and water, cat toys and treats.
The only thing he wasn’t so sure about was our cat. We knew this would be the case, and we had planned for it. When introducing a new cat into a home where a cat has already established their domain, there is a long and deliberate process involved.
Somebody forgot to give them the memo that they were meant to be BFFs. Each sighting produced low growls, hissing, and spitting. The hair on both cats would rise and neither animal looked particularly interested in anything other than a fight. We continued this routine but began to give them treats and pet them during these times, which helped them to relax.
Still, there was not a lot of love lost between them – but we moved on to the next step. We let the new boy wander around while putting the girl into the rooms where he had been spending his time. They both wandered around sniffing up a storm, eating from each other’s food bowls, and rubbing their heads against furniture and walls to leave their calling card.
It was interesting to see – that now, the one allowed to wander was seeking out the one in the room. Paws would slide out from under the doors, and although there was still hostility, they were definitely looking for one another. Was it time to let them socialize? There was only one way to find out. We gave them a well supervised visit. They growled, they hissed, they spit, and they yowled. Then we separated them again. This felt so stressful for me, but I did some research, and found that this was completely expected, and normal.
We continued to progress and eventually they could both be out and wander freely while we were at home, and finally on a full time basis. This has taken about six weeks. There are still occasional altercations but they are now seeking each other out, playing some games, and doing some cat speak with each other. There are definitely claimed areas, but there are also shared spaces.
While I certainly don’t recommend that they begin relationships with hostility and distrust, I encourage discernment These guys have grasped onto the preschool television version of friendship far too easily.
A hallmark symptom of Asperger Syndrome is a tendency to be gullible and naive. That doesn’t look very pretty when paired with the constant message to share, get along, and everyone was their friend. It was what they had been taught, and so they believed. Therefore, when their “friends” would tell them to give them their personal belongings, they willingly handed them over, “sharing” the way they had been taught. When they asked for their things back, they accepted answers like “Oh, I forgot it at home.”
It began with action figures, a hat, or a book. Then, it was a video game. I definitely noticed that! It was one of those rare, eye opening moments. One I will never forget. I felt split in two. Half of me wanted to take my sweet, precious, and far too trusting children and hide them away from anyone who would ever try to take advantage of their kind spirits. My other half was seeing red. I addressed the problem with the school, but sadly, the items were never seen again, and my sons’ weakness had been exposed. It wasn’t the stuff that mattered, my children were broken after that year, and they were only eight.
I have tried to explain friendship so many times. This whole concept of discernment is tough. They still believe many outlandish stories their peers tell them, and they try too hard to impress others.
I was so glad they got to watch the cats. They SAW everything I had tried so hard to teach them for years. Yes, we should love our neighbor, and no, we should not worry or be anxious over material things. That was never the problem.
As visual learners, this was a blessing. These little fuzzballs showed them that we should protect ourselves. We should be cautious, and we should not rush to expose our weakness. Trust and friendship is earned, over time.
